# packetlog >

Life on Mars

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** Life on Mars **
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-- Did you hear !!  They've found a life form on Mars!!!
-- Can you eat it?

[Date: Mar 16, 2010]

How to Write a Business Case

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** How to Write a Business Case **
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Think of it this way. The obstinate child has got hold of your wallet.  So you promise him a trip to Disneyland this summer and you get back your wallet.

[Date: Mar 15, 2010]

Monday Blues

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** Monday Blues **
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-- Mondays are so hard.
-- Get married, you fool.  All your weekends you will look forward to Mondays.

[Date: Feb 10, 2010]

The Killer App

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** The Killer App **
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-- Yes, that was our killer app.  It killed our company.

[Date: Feb 27, 2010]

How to Avoid Giving IT Support to New Acquaintances

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** How to Avoid Giving IT Support to New Acquaintances **
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-- I heard you are an IT expert and ...
-- Yes, I specialize in PC-maintenance insurances.  For just $599, I can extend your warranty to two and half years.

[Date: Feb 26, 2010]

Microsoft's Problems in Mobile Space

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** Microsoft's Problems in Mobile Space **
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--  Mr. Ballmer, could you describe Microsoft's problems in mobile space today in just three words?
-- Developers! Developers! Developers!

[Date: Feb 22, 2010]
   

My Zen Moment

 

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** My Zen Moment **
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-- Hate everyone and everything so that you are freed from all worldly attachments.

[Date: Feb 19, 2010]

Psychoanalyst Parents

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** Psychoanalyst Parents  **
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--  Both of my parents were psychoanalysts and it was hell.  Father was of Freudian school and mother was Jungian.

[Date: Feb 18, 2010]

You Are the Real Sleeping Buddha

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** You Are the Real Sleeping Buddha **
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-- Becoming a Buddha is easy: you just need to wake up!  In that sense, we are all Sleeping Buddhas.

[Date: Feb 13, 2010]

The Monk

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** The Monk **
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-- So deep was his meditation that the Venerable Monk hasn't read his emails for weeks.

[Date: Feb 17, 2010]

Interview for an IT HelpDesk Assistant

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** Interview for an IT HelpDesk Assistant **
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-- You mean you *don't* have a diploma in Jungian Analysis?


[Date: Feb 17, 2010]

Maya

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** Maya **
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-- Gurudev! How can I see through the Veil of Maya?
-- You should practice first by throwing away your iPhone and seeing through the Veil of Steve.

[Date: Feb 17, 2010]

A Word to the Wise

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** A Word to the Wise **
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-- Gurudev, who is wise and who foolish?
-- A wise person knows the limitations of a system and lives within the constraints without complaints.  A foolish person goes on and on and on about the iPad not supporting the Flash.



[Date: Feb 10, 2010]    

5g Phone

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** 5g Phone **
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--  What does he mean by "a 5g phone"?
--  Maybe the SIM card will not exceed five grams in weight? 

[Date: Feb 10, 2010]   

That's Fast

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** That's Fast **
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--  He is the fastest programmer we have.  He can go 80 words per minute.


[Date: Feb 10, 2010]    

What Men Really Want

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** What Men Really Want  **
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-- Secretly, a man would like to marry a girl who is accomplished in martial arts. No goons would ever dare touch him.



[Date: Feb 10, 2010]    

Choosing Usernames

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** Choosing Usernames **
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-- If you are a photographer, usernames like 24-70mmf2dot8 may appeal to you.


[Date: Feb 6, 2010]      

User Profiles

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** User Profiles **
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-- From an IT Service Desk point of view, there are three types of users:  Regular Staff, Senior Executives and People Who Think They Are Senior Executives.

[Date: Dec 18, 2009]
                     

Holistic

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** Holistic **
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-- His holistic approach, as you may have seen, is full of holes.


[Date: Dec 18, 2009]     

They Are All the Same

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** They Are All the Same  **
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-- The electrical engineering students soon find out that capacitance is  futile, too!


[Date: Dec 18, 2009]   

Some People Are Just Lucky

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** Some People Are Just Lucky **
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-- My boss is sooooo .... stupid.
-- Lucky, you.  Mine is smart.

[Date: Dec 18, 2009]    

Dale Carnegie's Books

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** Dale Carnegie's Books **
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-- Dale Carnegie's later publication, How to Terrorize People and Manipulate Friends, didn't sell as much as his original best-seller.

[Date: Feb 2, 2010]       

Luxury

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** Luxury  **
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-- So, you are not married?
-- Let me put it this way.  I have no wife, no kids, no car, no mortgage, no TV, no phone, no Internet at home - and I don't socialize.  What more could one want from life?



[Date: Feb 3, 2010]         

IT Manager at Home

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** IT Manager at Home **
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-- Daddy, can I get a hug please?
-- Have you filled in the Hardware Request Form?



[Date: Feb 5, 2010]    

Fit for a Purpose

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** Fit for a Purpose **
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-- I have a fruit juicer that works extremely well.  I can only use citrus fruits on this thing, though - it won't make me apple juice.  Now tell me, should I, or should I not, have bought this appliance?
-- Jim, okay, there is no need to be so round-about to make your case for the iPad.



[Date: Jan 29, 2010]
                          

Change Management

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** Change Management **
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--  Craig, what do you think of Change Management?
--  Good idea.  It's high time we changed our management.



[Date: Dec 18, 2009]    

Pi

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** Pi **
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-- Pi is a cosmic gate-crasher.  He shows up everywhere.



[Date: Jul 24, 2009]
                                 

Artist Feels Better

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** Artist Feels Better **
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-- He feels much better after playing his music.
-- Has he considered how many people feel much worse after listening to it?

** All artistic expressions are negative sum games in terms of happiness: artist feels better at the expense of the rest of the world.

[Date: Jan 15, 2010]
                                            

Many Dr. Houses Here

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** Many Dr. Houses Here **
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-- Here in our department everyone thinks he is Dr. House but nobody is able to troubleshoot anything. They just walk with a cane and pretend.

[Date: Jan 21, 2010]
                       

To The Non-IT Person Whoever You Are

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** To The Non-IT Person Whoever You Are **
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-- A non-IT person trying to do IT is like a donkey trying to sing.  Do your sociology or endocrinology or whatever and leave us alone!

[Date: Jan 20, 2010]

Endangered Species

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** Endangered Species **
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--  My species is so rare that humans have put us on an Endangered Species list.
--  Well,  we are so rare the humans don't even know that my species exists .....

[Date: Jan 18, 2010]
                       

An Amazon Tribe

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** An Amazon Tribe **
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-- In the Amazon Basin, scientists have found a tribe that venerates Richard Dawkins as the world-creating deity and a fertility god.


[Date: Jan 15, 2010]     

At the Pearly Gates of Heaven

 

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** At the Pearly Gates of Heaven **
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-- Ahhh!  Mr. Dawkins, I presume?



[Date: Jul , 2009]         

Fatherly Advice

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** Fatherly Advice **
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--  I don't know what to do with my boss.  He is impossible.
--  When I was your age, son, I used to get my bosses fired.


[Date: Jan 15, 2010]          

Internet Explorer

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** Internet Explorer **
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-- Internet Explorer is a handy  application that lets you download the Firefox browser. 



[Date: Sep 21, 2009]  

Server in Production

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** Server in Production **
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-- Is the new mail server in production now?
-- Yes, it's in production in test mode for next two weeks.


[Date: Jan 8, 2010]   

People Never Understand

 

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** People Never Understand **
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-- You guys will never acknowledge it - but technical things are only a minor part of any project.  A company cannot survive without who understand Project Management.
-- Few days later ...
-- My laptop's acting funny for a while.  It disconnects from network, connects again, disconnects, freezes and reboots ...
-- It could be a minor technical detail.

 
[Date: Nov 5, 2009]     

Finally, Something That Makes Sense!

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** Finally, Something That Makes Sense! **  
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-- My New Year resolution this year is to quit my gym.  



[Date: Dec 31, 2009]
                       

Mr. iTunes

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** Mr. iTunes **
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-- I'd say he's Mr. iTunes.  Wants to do everything himself.



[Date: Jul 24, 2009]
                      

That's Why

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**  That's Why **
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-- Lot of stress?
-- Oh, yes. I'm so busy nowadays that nothing gets done.


[Date: Nov 3, 2009]
                         

How to Decide on Release Names

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** How to Decide on Release Names **
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--  Jack, you know it's Release 4.2.  Why call it 5.0 ?
--   We don't charge our customers for minor releases.


[Date: Nov 2, 2009]       

Your App Store

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** Your App Store **
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-- Want to get out of your two-year contract?  There's no app for that.



[Date: Jul 16, 2009]
                         

Year Tags

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** Year Tags  **
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-- Why are products named with a year tag? Windows 2003, Exchange Server 2007 ...
-- To make you feel guilty if you don't upgrade.  It's psychological.


[Date: Nov 2, 2009]
                     

It's Obvious

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** It's Obvious **
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-- Why is everybody in the world so busy nowadays?
-- Because they are all working on an iPhone-Killer.


[Date: Nov 3, 2009]                          

iPhone App Store is Crowded

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** iPhone App Store is Crowded **
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-- We now need an iPhone app to find apps that find apps.



[Date: Sep 6, 2009]     

Serendipity

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** Serendipity **
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-- Serendipity Bliss:  Three years after buying a jacket, you discover another pocket.



[Date: Sep 17, 2009]
                        

Zero-Tweeters

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** Zero-Tweeters **
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-- Question: Why would anyone follow a zero-tweeter? 



[Date: Sep 6, 2009]     

Calls to a Banana Republic

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** Calls to a Banana Republic **
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-- Your call could not be completed. There's a coup d'etat in progress.  Please try later.



[Date: Aug 29, 2009]       

White Papers

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** White Papers **
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-- White papers are so called because they help to hide the dark parts of an implementation ...


[Date: Oct 17, 2009]    

Motivated

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** Motivated **
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-- And after reading these motivational quotations, don't you feel like strangling some of the authors?

[Date: Aug 30, 2009]