# packetlog >

What Mr. Know-It-All Doesn't Know

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** What Mr. Know-It-All Doesn't Know **
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-- What Mr. Know-It-All doesn't know is that nobody takes him seriously anymore -- and he has no friends now.

[Date: Mar 16, 2010]

Life on Mars

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** Life on Mars **
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-- Did you hear !!  They've found a life form on Mars!!!
-- Can you eat it?

[Date: Mar 16, 2010]

Monday Blues

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** Monday Blues **
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-- Mondays are so hard.
-- Get married, you fool.  All your weekends you will look forward to Mondays.

[Date: Feb 10, 2010]

The Killer App

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** The Killer App **
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-- Yes, that was our killer app.  It killed our company.

[Date: Feb 27, 2010]

How to Avoid Giving IT Support to New Acquaintances

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** How to Avoid Giving IT Support to New Acquaintances **
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-- I heard you are an IT expert and ...
-- Yes, I specialize in PC-maintenance insurances.  For just $599, I can extend your warranty to two and half years.

[Date: Feb 26, 2010]

My Zen Moment

 

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** My Zen Moment **
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-- Hate everyone and everything so that you are freed from all worldly attachments.

[Date: Feb 19, 2010]

Psychoanalyst Parents

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** Psychoanalyst Parents  **
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--  Both of my parents were psychoanalysts and it was hell.  Father was of Freudian school and mother was Jungian.

[Date: Feb 18, 2010]

You Are the Real Sleeping Buddha

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** You Are the Real Sleeping Buddha **
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-- Becoming a Buddha is easy: you just need to wake up!  In that sense, we are all Sleeping Buddhas.

[Date: Feb 13, 2010]

The Monk

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** The Monk **
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-- So deep was his meditation that the Venerable Monk hasn't read his emails for weeks.

[Date: Feb 17, 2010]

Interview for an IT HelpDesk Assistant

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** Interview for an IT HelpDesk Assistant **
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-- You mean you *don't* have a diploma in Jungian Analysis?


[Date: Feb 17, 2010]

Maya

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** Maya **
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-- Gurudev! How can I see through the Veil of Maya?
-- You should practice first by throwing away your iPhone and seeing through the Veil of Steve.

[Date: Feb 17, 2010]

A Word to the Wise

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** A Word to the Wise **
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-- Gurudev, who is wise and who foolish?
-- A wise person knows the limitations of a system and lives within the constraints without complaints.  A foolish person goes on and on and on about the iPad not supporting the Flash.



[Date: Feb 10, 2010]    

5g Phone

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** 5g Phone **
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--  What does he mean by "a 5g phone"?
--  Maybe the SIM card will not exceed five grams in weight? 

[Date: Feb 10, 2010]   

What Men Really Want

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** What Men Really Want  **
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-- Secretly, a man would like to marry a girl who is accomplished in martial arts. No goons would ever dare touch him.



[Date: Feb 10, 2010]    

Holistic

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** Holistic **
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-- His holistic approach, as you may have seen, is full of holes.


[Date: Dec 18, 2009]     

They Are All the Same

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** They Are All the Same  **
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-- The electrical engineering students soon find out that capacitance is  futile, too!


[Date: Dec 18, 2009]   

Some People Are Just Lucky

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** Some People Are Just Lucky **
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-- My boss is sooooo .... stupid.
-- Lucky, you.  Mine is smart.

[Date: Dec 18, 2009]    

Luxury

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** Luxury  **
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-- So, you are not married?
-- Let me put it this way.  I have no wife, no kids, no car, no mortgage, no TV, no phone, no Internet at home - and I don't socialize.  What more could one want from life?



[Date: Feb 3, 2010]         

IT Manager at Home

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** IT Manager at Home **
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-- Daddy, can I get a hug please?
-- Have you filled in the Hardware Request Form?



[Date: Feb 5, 2010]    

Artist Feels Better

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** Artist Feels Better **
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-- He feels much better after playing his music.
-- Has he considered how many people feel much worse after listening to it?

** All artistic expressions are negative sum games in terms of happiness: artist feels better at the expense of the rest of the world.

[Date: Jan 15, 2010]
                                            

Fatherly Advice

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** Fatherly Advice **
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--  I don't know what to do with my boss.  He is impossible.
--  When I was your age, son, I used to get my bosses fired.


[Date: Jan 15, 2010]          

Finally, Something That Makes Sense!

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** Finally, Something That Makes Sense! **  
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-- My New Year resolution this year is to quit my gym.  



[Date: Dec 31, 2009]
                       

Mr. iTunes

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** Mr. iTunes **
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-- I'd say he's Mr. iTunes.  Wants to do everything himself.



[Date: Jul 24, 2009]
                      

That's Why

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**  That's Why **
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-- Lot of stress?
-- Oh, yes. I'm so busy nowadays that nothing gets done.


[Date: Nov 3, 2009]
                         

Your App Store

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** Your App Store **
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-- Want to get out of your two-year contract?  There's no app for that.



[Date: Jul 16, 2009]
                         

It's Obvious

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** It's Obvious **
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-- Why is everybody in the world so busy nowadays?
-- Because they are all working on an iPhone-Killer.


[Date: Nov 3, 2009]                          

Serendipity

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** Serendipity **
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-- Serendipity Bliss:  Three years after buying a jacket, you discover another pocket.



[Date: Sep 17, 2009]
                        

Calls to a Banana Republic

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** Calls to a Banana Republic **
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-- Your call could not be completed. There's a coup d'etat in progress.  Please try later.



[Date: Aug 29, 2009]       

Motivated

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** Motivated **
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-- And after reading these motivational quotations, don't you feel like strangling some of the authors?

[Date: Aug 30, 2009]     

The Cosmic Vision

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** The Cosmic Vision **
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-- Arjuna makes a pathetic attempt at protecting his eyes from the Cosmic Vision of Krishna by wearing best quality sunglasses.

[Date: Jul 3, 2009]     

Plato and a Platypus

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** Plato and a Platypus  **
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-- Plato thought that an ideal man is round.
-- And I've known for a while that ideal arguments are circular.

[Date: Aug 16, 2009, 9.20 AM]

Halting Problem

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** Halting Problem **
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-- Alas! As we grow older we begin to realise the significance of the halting problem.

[Date: Aug 14, 2009]

Oil Painting

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** Oil Painting **
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--  Corollary to cost of security is inconvenience: Cost of painting using the best medium in the world is having to clean each brush for twenty minutes.

[Date: Jan 18, 2009]                  

MBA 101 Class

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** MBA 101 Class  **
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-- Today we will talk about MBTI - Management by Threat and Intimidation.

[Date: Feb 26, 2009]  

Skynet is Alive

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** Skynet is Alive **
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-- Skynet is still strong.  But we won't quit ... making money out of these movies.  If you are listening to this we are the franchise and you are the stupid movie-goers.

[Date: June 23, 2009]  

Social Networking

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** Social Networking **
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-- Well, back then, we used to invite friends, they introduced us to new friends, and so on ...
-- Mom, you mean, you had a *real* Facebook kind of thing?

[Date: June 30, 2009]   

A Paradox

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** A Paradox **
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-- A man is truly happy if he does not care how the Universe came into being.
-- The only goal that lifts man above other animals is in seeking to understand how the Universe came into being.

[Date: Jan 13, 2009] 

When Managers are Unhappy

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** When Managers are Unhappy **
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-- Look at you, Peter ... You are so unhappy .... while your employees are chatting merrily away in the cafeteria ...
--  Mary, please call everybody to a departmental meeting tomorrow morning.  Six-thirty sharp.

[Date: Feb 21, 2009]  

My Radio

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** My Radio **
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-- I was listening to my radio and I thought it a bit odd because there were no advertisements.
-- Then I woke up.

[Date: Jan 14, 2009]   

Being Smart

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** Being Smart **
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--  The smartest thing I did this year was to convince myself, ignoring all reports to the contrary, that I'm not that smart after all.

[Date: Dec 1, 2008]     

Good News for Cartoonists

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** Good News for Cartoonists **
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-- As long as there are managers in charge of engineers, comedy will survive.

[Date: Dec 6, 2008]

Online Shops

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** Online Shops **
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-- Bob's customer's had been ignoring his shop for years.  So he set up a digital version of his store. His customers also feel relieved: now they don't have to even ignore him anymore.
-- * dignore [vb. trans.]: In digital transactions, not bother even to ignore other people, e.g., I had dignored his emails for months.

[Date: Nov 30, 2008]   

The Only GTD Guide You'll Ever Need

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** The Only GTD Guide You'll Ever Need **
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-- Nothing is done till nothing is done.

[Date: Nov 30, 2008]                  

The Bailout Blackhole

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** The Bailout Blackhole **
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-- The stellar mass of tax-payer dollars breaks up into corporate bonuses as it nears the blackhole.
--

[Date: Nov 30, 2008]   

In the Beginning by Ellen DeGeneres

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** In the Beginning by Ellen DeGeneres **
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-- In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

[Date: Nov 30, 2008]    

Betting the Farm On It

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** Betting the Farm On It **
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-- $8 Trillion Dollar Rescue
-- They are betting the farm on it now.
-- Yep! And the farmers are included.

[Date: Nov 26, 2008]                

US Economy

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** US Economy **
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-- Everything looks OK now!  We've bailed out the rich.

[Date: Nov 19, 2008]  

Color Crayons

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** Color Crayons  **
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-- As a pre-schooler, God had shown a predilection for playing with color crayons. It came in useful, much later in His life, when He was designing Autumn.

[Date: Nov 16, 2008]    

Dave Bowman Finally Understands the Randomness Inherent in the Universe

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** Dave Bowman Finally Understands the Randomness Inherent in the Universe **
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-- Dave Bowman: My God, it's full of Black Swans!

[Date: Nov 15, 2008]     

Murder Mysteries

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** Murder Mysteries **
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-- All murder mysteries are the same story. On the last page the reader finds out how clever the author is.

[Date: Nov 12, 2008]