# packetlog >

What Mr. Know-It-All Doesn't Know

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** What Mr. Know-It-All Doesn't Know **
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-- What Mr. Know-It-All doesn't know is that nobody takes him seriously anymore -- and he has no friends now.

[Date: Mar 16, 2010]

Monday Blues

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** Monday Blues **
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-- Mondays are so hard.
-- Get married, you fool.  All your weekends you will look forward to Mondays.

[Date: Feb 10, 2010]

The Killer App

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** The Killer App **
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-- Yes, that was our killer app.  It killed our company.

[Date: Feb 27, 2010]

How to Avoid Giving IT Support to New Acquaintances

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** How to Avoid Giving IT Support to New Acquaintances **
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-- I heard you are an IT expert and ...
-- Yes, I specialize in PC-maintenance insurances.  For just $599, I can extend your warranty to two and half years.

[Date: Feb 26, 2010]

Microsoft's Problems in Mobile Space

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** Microsoft's Problems in Mobile Space **
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--  Mr. Ballmer, could you describe Microsoft's problems in mobile space today in just three words?
-- Developers! Developers! Developers!

[Date: Feb 22, 2010]
   

My Zen Moment

 

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** My Zen Moment **
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-- Hate everyone and everything so that you are freed from all worldly attachments.

[Date: Feb 19, 2010]

You Are the Real Sleeping Buddha

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** You Are the Real Sleeping Buddha **
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-- Becoming a Buddha is easy: you just need to wake up!  In that sense, we are all Sleeping Buddhas.

[Date: Feb 13, 2010]

Interview for an IT HelpDesk Assistant

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** Interview for an IT HelpDesk Assistant **
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-- You mean you *don't* have a diploma in Jungian Analysis?


[Date: Feb 17, 2010]

Maya

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** Maya **
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-- Gurudev! How can I see through the Veil of Maya?
-- You should practice first by throwing away your iPhone and seeing through the Veil of Steve.

[Date: Feb 17, 2010]

A Word to the Wise

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** A Word to the Wise **
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-- Gurudev, who is wise and who foolish?
-- A wise person knows the limitations of a system and lives within the constraints without complaints.  A foolish person goes on and on and on about the iPad not supporting the Flash.



[Date: Feb 10, 2010]    

That's Fast

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** That's Fast **
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--  He is the fastest programmer we have.  He can go 80 words per minute.


[Date: Feb 10, 2010]    

User Profiles

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** User Profiles **
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-- From an IT Service Desk point of view, there are three types of users:  Regular Staff, Senior Executives and People Who Think They Are Senior Executives.

[Date: Dec 18, 2009]
                     

They Are All the Same

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** They Are All the Same  **
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-- The electrical engineering students soon find out that capacitance is  futile, too!


[Date: Dec 18, 2009]   

Some People Are Just Lucky

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** Some People Are Just Lucky **
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-- My boss is sooooo .... stupid.
-- Lucky, you.  Mine is smart.

[Date: Dec 18, 2009]    

Luxury

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** Luxury  **
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-- So, you are not married?
-- Let me put it this way.  I have no wife, no kids, no car, no mortgage, no TV, no phone, no Internet at home - and I don't socialize.  What more could one want from life?



[Date: Feb 3, 2010]         

IT Manager at Home

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** IT Manager at Home **
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-- Daddy, can I get a hug please?
-- Have you filled in the Hardware Request Form?



[Date: Feb 5, 2010]    

Change Management

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** Change Management **
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--  Craig, what do you think of Change Management?
--  Good idea.  It's high time we changed our management.



[Date: Dec 18, 2009]    

Many Dr. Houses Here

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** Many Dr. Houses Here **
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-- Here in our department everyone thinks he is Dr. House but nobody is able to troubleshoot anything. They just walk with a cane and pretend.

[Date: Jan 21, 2010]
                       

To The Non-IT Person Whoever You Are

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** To The Non-IT Person Whoever You Are **
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-- A non-IT person trying to do IT is like a donkey trying to sing.  Do your sociology or endocrinology or whatever and leave us alone!

[Date: Jan 20, 2010]

At the Pearly Gates of Heaven

 

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** At the Pearly Gates of Heaven **
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-- Ahhh!  Mr. Dawkins, I presume?



[Date: Jul , 2009]         

Mr. iTunes

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** Mr. iTunes **
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-- I'd say he's Mr. iTunes.  Wants to do everything himself.



[Date: Jul 24, 2009]
                      

That's Why

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**  That's Why **
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-- Lot of stress?
-- Oh, yes. I'm so busy nowadays that nothing gets done.


[Date: Nov 3, 2009]
                         

It's Obvious

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** It's Obvious **
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-- Why is everybody in the world so busy nowadays?
-- Because they are all working on an iPhone-Killer.


[Date: Nov 3, 2009]                          

Serendipity

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** Serendipity **
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-- Serendipity Bliss:  Three years after buying a jacket, you discover another pocket.



[Date: Sep 17, 2009]
                        

Calls to a Banana Republic

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** Calls to a Banana Republic **
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-- Your call could not be completed. There's a coup d'etat in progress.  Please try later.



[Date: Aug 29, 2009]       

White Papers

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** White Papers **
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-- White papers are so called because they help to hide the dark parts of an implementation ...


[Date: Oct 17, 2009]    

Plato and a Platypus

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** Plato and a Platypus  **
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-- Plato thought that an ideal man is round.
-- And I've known for a while that ideal arguments are circular.

[Date: Aug 16, 2009, 9.20 AM]

At an iPhone App Dev Outfit

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** At an iPhone App Dev Outfit **
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-- I think it's going to be an addictive 99¢ app.  Basically, you roleplay a manager. If you can block an employee's promotion you get two coconuts. If you can fire somebody you harvest ten coconuts, and so on .... 

[Date: Aug 15, 2009, 2.50 AM]

Halting Problem

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** Halting Problem **
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-- Alas! As we grow older we begin to realise the significance of the halting problem.

[Date: Aug 14, 2009]

MBA 101 Class

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** MBA 101 Class  **
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-- Today we will talk about MBTI - Management by Threat and Intimidation.

[Date: Feb 26, 2009]  

Social Networking

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** Social Networking **
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-- Well, back then, we used to invite friends, they introduced us to new friends, and so on ...
-- Mom, you mean, you had a *real* Facebook kind of thing?

[Date: June 30, 2009]   

When Managers are Unhappy

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** When Managers are Unhappy **
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-- Look at you, Peter ... You are so unhappy .... while your employees are chatting merrily away in the cafeteria ...
--  Mary, please call everybody to a departmental meeting tomorrow morning.  Six-thirty sharp.

[Date: Feb 21, 2009]  

The One Minute Manager

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** The One Minute Manager **
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-- Jack, I want the sales figures *now* !!

[Date: Feb 4, 2009]        

The Only GTD Guide You'll Ever Need

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** The Only GTD Guide You'll Ever Need **
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-- Nothing is done till nothing is done.

[Date: Nov 30, 2008]                  

Color Crayons

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** Color Crayons  **
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-- As a pre-schooler, God had shown a predilection for playing with color crayons. It came in useful, much later in His life, when He was designing Autumn.

[Date: Nov 16, 2008]    

Dave Bowman Finally Understands the Randomness Inherent in the Universe

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** Dave Bowman Finally Understands the Randomness Inherent in the Universe **
=============================================================================
-- Dave Bowman: My God, it's full of Black Swans!

[Date: Nov 15, 2008]     

A Diet Plan That Actually Works

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** A Diet Plan That Actually Works **
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-- If you don't like something, eat it. Chances are high that it's good for your health.   

[Date: Sep 29, 2008]         

The Black Swan

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** The Black Swan **
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[The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable by Nassim Nicholas Taleb]
-- The perfect gift for an economics professor.  Or a MBA student in a suit and tie.

[Date: Nov 11, 2008] 

The Double-Rainbow

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** The Double-Rainbow **
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--  Wow! Look!! A double-rainbow!
--  That day God was ecstatic in Heaven.  Nobody had figured out he had ditched Photoshop for Gimp.

[Date: Sep 26, 2008] 

Many Worlds Theory

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** Many Worlds Theory **
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-- The Many Worlds Theory postulates an infinite number of near-identical copies of universes - and the RIAA doesn't like it one bit.
--

[Date: Sep 7, 2008]

MacBook Air

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** MacBook Air  **
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-- And whenever the mosquito landed near the keyboard, the MacBook Air seemed a bit heavier.

[Date: Sep 7, 2008]  

Schrödinger's Cat / Schrödinger's LolCat

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** Schrödinger's Cat /  Schrödinger's LolCat **
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-- Schrödinger's cat was dreaming,
-- And said:
-- God-darn'd!
-- Either I am dead
-- Or I aren't!

[Date: Sep 6, 2008]  

Mr. Robin Hoodlum

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** Mr. Robin Hoodlum **
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--  Meet Mr. Robin Hoodlum.  He robs the poor and bails out the rich of Nottinghamshire.

[Date: Oct 1, 2008]   

Politics

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** Politics **
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-- I think politics is the oldest profession, but, on the other hand, there is hardly any difference between the two.

[Date: Sep 2, 2008]     

On Regular Expressions

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** On Regular Expressions **
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-- Whenever I have problem with regular expressions, I just use irregular expressions.

[Date: Sep 1, 2008]

Speed-Reading

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** Speed-Reading **
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-- Speed-reading a good novel is like speed-eating a delicacy.

[Date: Aug 31, 2008]

Free Speech

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** Free Speech **
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-- Hey, we can say whatever * we * want!

[Date: Aug 30, 2008]

The Truth is Bitter and Unforgiving but Ultimately It Heals the Wound

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** The Truth is Bitter and Unforgiving but Ultimately It Heals the Wound **
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-- Thinking America can fix itself by changing the system: that's hope. Thinking America can fix itself by changing a president: that's stupidity.

[Date: Aug 22, 2008]

Whitehouse Emails

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** Whitehouse Emails **
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-- How can these Whitehouse emails be lost?
-- Yeah! Doesn't NSA keep copies?

[Date: Aug 27, 2008]

The Corridor

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** The Corridor **
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-- Amit, in your country do you drive on the left side?
-- Yes, how did you know?
-- Because, here, you are blocking everybody in the corridor.

[Date: Dec 3, 2007]